I know i sudnt rant over the internet about family thingy, but heck i even cant say anything to this dense person.
How can you think that way about your own flesh-blood mom? You the one who made mistake at the past, and you admitted yourself. Now, you're always fretting and complaining how she treats you coldly? Does it ever cross your small mind that she had so much to endure back then? Of course no, you're not even there.
You said what? she still hates you for what you did and bring it over and over again thus people know and hate you as well? Now i ask you, dont you say bad things too about her behind her back and play victim?
And what, you said she never forgave you for what you did? I said, have you ever thought how much she valued you back then thus she broke so bad?
You hate it how she talk to people loudly about things relating to you? Never it slips in your head that she actually still cares thus she talks about you?
You fret what? You always keep quiet whenever she insults you and try to accept sincerely? Really? Or you actually think bad over that thus you have so much to complain to me right now?
I've been there when she broke like fragile child. I've been there seeing her cried to her sleep every night. I knew how much she blamed herself for not raised you right. I've been there when she mourned about your leaving. Where were you?
Did you know how pity she was when you left? Did you know that you were the last precious child she prepared to not have same life as she had? Did you ever remember how she struggled to keep your pit full, roof above your head, and clothes to wear? Did it ever across you mind she loved you and still does, despite her cold acts toward you these days? Of course you didnt, you dont.
You have right to freely say anything you want, fret, complain as well, about your life and whatsoever. But please, dont say such things to me. I saw what happened, I listened what been said, I've been there. And you didnt. And how much you make yourself look pity in front of me, well, its practically useless, because i stand on my feet properly.
Please, its never too late. Hate is actually a small thing to throw when you realize how much love you actually got, and can get back if you do want to try. Try to see things with both of your eyes. And try to listen, not just hear.
ps: sorry for the rant, i just cudnt hold back, and to write it down is only way to release for now. i probably will erase this post someday when my head cold down.
