It's 11.01 pm and my timeline full of #pertamakenal thingy and I actually tried to sleep but i failed. It's because a feeling, yes that feeling that randomly pops up in the night and doesn't allow your eyelids closed. If you ask me what, i don't know as well.
Speaking about feeling, days ago I have a kinda odd conversation with my friend about myself. So she told me that there is something in me that she wanted to learn, my independency. She said the way I socialize with people is unique, because I'm not seem belong to a certain circle. Well, I'm kinda shocked knowing that fact but as I thought again, I think what she said is true. I do socialize with everyone, but it's also true that I never have lunch with same persons for a whole month, not even a week. And I never hesitate to eat by myself. I mean, so why? Do I harm someone by doing so? I guess no, right?
But I did ever be in a circle before. I had lunch with same certain persons for a whole week, even a term. Then things change because people change, so do I. After an event that I probably never forget, I tend to not easily trust people. That's perhaps why now I feel more comfy to keep goods to cherish, problems to solve, and shits to forget by myself.
I know I shouldn't be like this, but well, I feel secure by doing it. Because a good thing not trust in people is you won't be disappointed by them. By doing so, you will hate-less, but at the same time, unfortunately, heartless. I have to admit, you realize or not, that I am now tend to be logical than emotional. The fact is it has been almost 2 years I don't cry myself to sleep like I used to before. I'm not afraid of losing anyone but my family (ayah mama tari ibunenek awa elzan kanya rima mutia), really. I won't ever try to stick with certain person anymore. I learned, I shouldn't be that way. Because it annoys that person and indirectly hurting myself by being ignored.
To get it all packed, I should say that I'm now somehow becoming more dense by the day. I don't think much what people say about me, neither what they think and do toward me. And what I'm trying to imply here is if you read this, and you're actually hate me for whatever I have done to you, I'm sorry for not realizing my bads. As well goes for you who perhaps get crush on me (pfft silly me), remember? I'm just too dense now, so just try harder.
ps: goodnight :))
