It's November 30th, 2013. Tomorrow is December 1st, means that a month left before another new year. Last night, my Uncle passed away, exactly 3 weeks after my Aunty, they're from different household tho, but still from my father side family. So yes, my father flew over to Jogja twice in this month.
The thing is, I met them both last August, and they were perfectly fine and sound. I know too well that death is God own business, it's just that I dont know how to feel when the news slapped me in the face. I mean, they're freshly alive in my mind, how they brightly greeted me whenever I came to Jogja once a year, how they talked about family things I should catch up with, how their voice like, practically everything.
I dont know but I just couldnt accept the fact that they're gone...yet. Because the last memory I have about them is they're alive. It will be a total lost when I come back to Jogja next time, I guess. Until that time, I will just remain pretending that they're okay, cant I? I'm probably not that close to them in state I would cry a river until I pass out, but thinking that they're no longer there to welcome me anymore, worth a bunch of tears. And the phrases I used to said to them are usually "hows you doing?", "really? wow, i dont know it happened", "ugh yes, I gained some weight", "its a lotta work in campus every week", "cant I use the toilet?", "where is Nathan?", "here, Mama cooked some Trancam", "bye bye, see you soon". I even hardly remeber said any "thankyou" to them... morever an "I love you" phrase.
But then, I love you both, for welcomed me whenever I came, for asked me whether I've eaten or not, for had a little chit chat, for made me a cup of tea every now and then, for always wish me the best every time we parted, for being my family all this time. I'm sorry I wasnt able to say it when you both still can hear me. But really, I do mean every words.
Soon, no, now I realized that going back there never be the same anymore yet there's still and will be always my second home, with people I never told them I love them. Thus, I had taken a bold memo to say it to them next time, to make sure they know that this niece, cousin, granddaughter cherishes them a lot.
ps: an "I love you" never hurt, especially to your families, so go and say it a lot. When they still can hear you and better, say it back to you :))
